A Hot Christmas

A hot Christmas at the beach in Pinamar. Not bad.

Christmas is not quite right in Argentina. It’s hot and it’s sweaty.

I’m used to cold Christmases and my wife to even colder Christmases. Los Angeles, my hometown, gets cold and the ocean even more so. The surf gets big and after two hours in the ocean you come out numb and you can’t turn the keys in the lock of the car door. My wife’s England can get snowy. It’s snowy there now, very much so.

Here we are playing Bob Marley and planning to hit the beach. We’ve got to escape the city first and beat the mass exodus to the coast. This afternoon it’s in the car and bolt (well, at first, it will be inch through the city traffic) and then bolt carefully down the highways running through the flat farmlands and to our house on the coast, our pine tree paradise in a forest a few blocks from the beach. It’s just that much removed from the summer throngs that we can only hear the roar of the quad bikes in the distance. The pine trees may creak in the heat but the beach breeze keeps us cooler than in the city.

A hot Christmas is just not right. But rolling down the grassy hill in our garden with my three children and swimming in the ocean and surfing in just board shorts in the warmish water. Well, it’s just fine with me.

Up Yours

"Tai chi. It's the way, brother."

“Tai chi. It’s the way, brother.”

I’m mellow. I’m quiet. I’m reserved.

Little gets under my skin and turns me mad. A caffeine overdose, sure. Tripping over Buzz Lightyear and falling on Jessie and Bullseye in the living room. Yeah, that can get me sometimes.

Traffic?

Definitely.

Twice in a week I got caught in traffic so bad I wanted to cry and leave my car in the middle of the road and walk. Or drive down the sidewalk and across the plaza or right through a building. It was hell, twice in a week.

I know about traffic. I grew up half a block from the 405, a north-south freeway in Los Angeles. It buzzed and hummed night and day. I watched my dad’s nerves boil as he fought the traffic day after day. He grew up in Buenos Aires and lived in New York, St. Louis and Mexico City – all pretty good walking cities – before moving to Los Angeles, the world’s capital for the car. And the traffic broke him, with a little help, no doubt, from us five children. His response? He went healthy and Zen. He scorned fast food despite our pleas for a burger. “It stinks,” he’d say. He filled the kitchen with fruits and vegetables, fish and lentils and his homegrown alfalfa sprouts and plain yogurt. He took up yoga. He walked. He ran. He race-walked. He went tai chi and did it whenever opportunity allowed. At the beach? He’d do his thing in front of thousands of people while us kids looked the other way and hoped nobody pointed at us, the children of that funny man. We kept our heads down and went swimming or took a walk down the beach. He’d do tai chi at our soccer matches, basketball, baseball and football. “That’s your dad, right?” our friends would ask. “What’s he doing?”

I never could answer. But years later he told me that the tai chi and the rest of his health trip helped to reduce his stress, to keep him driving sanely on the 405 and the 10 – another main freeway in Los Angeles – day after day.

I remembered this today as I drove through the worst traffic of my life. And a few days ago when I drove through the worst traffic of my life.

This is Buenos Aires and driving conditions are worsening. The reasons are many:

  • Too many cars
  • Too many protests and road blocks
  • Mad drivers
  • Mayhem in general

Corroboration? Have a drive around for yourself and you will believe me.

A solution?

Take the subway and walk, even with the kids. It gets crowded on the subway, like sardines at rush hour. But at least you can wait for the next train or get out and walk and not sit stuck in a car for hours, inching along and fuming along with hundreds of others. Another benefit of the subway is that I can do tai chi while waiting for the train, just like my dad. Come on kids, you’ll eventually come round to the fabulous and wonderful benefits of moving your body in funny ways while looking like you are in a trance. Believe me, you will.

“Ouch! If I step on another Hot Wheels again, that’ll be it… really!”

Not long ago I wrote that my children are not human. They’re ants. They’ll move every toy and stuffed animal and puzzle from the “playroom” to the living room over the course of hours. I’ll tell them to put it all back after tripping over Buzz Lightyear and stepping on a Hot Wheel. They’ll look at me with tired and sheepish eyes until I say, “Okay, tomorrow.” And off they go to bed leaving my wife and me to put everything back in its place.

Agonizing, certainly. But think about the potential of their natural capacity as human ants. We could make a few coins from this. Kids for hire. Demolition is our specialty. Movement is our game. The dining room table and chairs? What about putting them in the garden with your bed sheets as decoration. Those old boxes for the crystal glasses from your wedding? They make a great staircase to get to the tops of the closets where more can be found for decoration. Dad’s suit; mum’s wedding dress. The makeup and, wow, a top hat. This could lead to a three-part play, a sitcom, a movie!

It might not make Changing Rooms, the television program.

But it could make a hilarious While You Were Out redecoration special.