Kids for Hire: Demolition is Our Specialty

“Ouch! If I step on another Hot Wheels again, that’ll be it… really!”

Not long ago I wrote that my children are not human. They’re ants. They’ll move every toy and stuffed animal and puzzle from the “playroom” to the living room over the course of hours. I’ll tell them to put it all back after tripping over Buzz Lightyear and stepping on a Hot Wheel. They’ll look at me with tired and sheepish eyes until I say, “Okay, tomorrow.” And off they go to bed leaving my wife and me to put everything back in its place.

Agonizing, certainly. But think about the potential of their natural capacity as human ants. We could make a few coins from this. Kids for hire. Demolition is our specialty. Movement is our game. The dining room table and chairs? What about putting them in the garden with your bed sheets as decoration. Those old boxes for the crystal glasses from your wedding? They make a great staircase to get to the tops of the closets where more can be found for decoration. Dad’s suit; mum’s wedding dress. The makeup and, wow, a top hat. This could lead to a three-part play, a sitcom, a movie!

It might not make Changing Rooms, the television program.

But it could make a hilarious While You Were Out redecoration special.

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