The Clash

Is it time to move out of swanky Buenos Aires?

I’m not sure but my neighbors in my apartment building in upper-scale Recoleta are meeting downstairs to decide if we should stay or go. The reason? We have a dog and the building’s bylaws say no pets. Of course, if it were only our cat then nobody would be bitching. Or a bird, a fish, a mouse, a turtle. Even a snake. They’re all passable. But not a dog. That’s taking it too far.

Well, it’s running late and the doorman has come up to say that the discussion is heated.

My dog, aka Four-ton, is busting for a wee and simply cannot wait until after they finish the meeting for me to take her downstairs and past them and out the service door. She’s a big fur ball who spends most of the day hanging out with the children or at my feet as quiet as can be. Not a bark, not a whimper. Unless she’s busting to go. Then she’ll whimper a bit and nudge me until I give in and say, “Okay, let’s go.”

So we go down the service elevator and when we reach ground floor I can hear the loud hum of the debate. The owners of the apartments – we’re second-rate renters – are holed up in the assembly room with the door open. I step out softly with Four-ton. I am nervous we’ll run into a landlord who will freeze, point at us and blow a whistle loudly. “Stop! A dog!” And all eyes will land on us.

Then again, it would be rather amusing to take my well-trained and obedient dog into the fray and watch the dog fearers jump up on their chairs like elephants at the sight of a mouse. It might just crack the layers of makeup on the old ladies and turn the polo machos to squeals and cause the fat grey-suited bankers to drop their cigars. Oh the fun to watch them dance in fright and shout to the doorman, “Please, please. Get rid of that, that… thing.”

But it’s not worth it. It’s time to move on and leave this stuffy building to its stuffy tenants to swap hysterics about the latest headlines, bemuse themselves with high-class gossip and roast in their trepidations, tribulations and flatulence.

We’re out of here because this building stinks.
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{ 2 comments… add one }
  • Allison August 8, 2010, 1:03 am

    Just wanted to say I learned the word flatulence (loved it) from you and really enjoy reading your blog. You could restation to San Telmo. Pretty sure there are dog-friendly places available. Best of luck.

  • Charles Newbery August 10, 2010, 12:52 pm

    Thanks for writing. I am glad to be a provider of fun words not much in use. We have decided on a new pad. We did look in San Telmo but couldn't find what we needed, unfortunately. Take care.

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